Monday, August 9, 2010
I’ve been sitting crossed legged a lot lately. Mostly at home, in my room. Not because I’m praying or meditating, but because of the intense backache from the tumor. It’s really difficult to fall asleep at night slumped over, cross legged on your bed.
Nothing some painkillers can’t help out with.
Painkillers to numb away the pain.
There’s just so much of it!
It’s been 8 months since I first got sick.
Flies by so quickly I can’t remember the last time I smiled without trying to conceal a grimace. The last time every bite of food didn’t taste like it was coated with a thick metallic aluminum chemical. Time since I last got drunk and was able to carelessly laugh away the night. Time since my dick didn’t get rock hard at the contact with another aching body. Time where I didn’t look in the mirror and have trouble recognizing the face in front.
I’ve been listening to Sigur Ros a lot. It seems most vocalists lack the words to say anything I want to hear or haven’t already heard. Instrumental is best.
No words, just silence. There is nothing to say.
Just, I'm beyond exhausted. Everything weighs a ton.
It's just been a bad, day today.