Monday, September 27, 2010

Down the Hallway

One step forward.

Hi. I'm here for an appointment with the doctor.

Two steps forward.

Sit down we'll call you up in a few minutes.

Several paces down the hall.

Waiting. Fidgeting. Reading. Playing Angry Birds. Waiting some more.

Hesitant, you keep walking forward.

The doctor will see you now. I'll take your vitals first.

At the end of the hall. After a walk that's mysteriously short as it is long it's time to push through the doors...

Sitting in the small doctor's office, it's frighteningly familiar. There's no comfort in this familiarity. More waiting. Finally there's a tap on the door and the doctor comes in...

Living with cancer is living with anxiety. Never knowing. The unknown is often times exciting. In this case it's terrifying. This cancer, my cancer, isn't going to go away any time soon it seems. There's been an adjustment, a shift in the mindset that has helped. After several weeks of miserable hopelessness I realized people live with cancer for a long time. They bounce back and forth from remission. This is a reality I have to accept if I can get through this. And I know I haven't had it nearly as bad as some people, yet anyway.

Just as I was settling into this train of thought, of becoming somewhat ok with my condition I find out that I have 2 more tumors on my liver. The cancer is spreading throughout my body faster than radiation can do away with the already existing tumors.

What now? I don't know.
More radiation? more chemo? more medications? more doctors? more side effects? more of your life being at a standstill, stuck in this limbo, while you watch your friends and family move forward?

Less nights of peaceful sleep? less time to move forward? less time to enjoy hot days? less income? less hair? less possibilities?

Less hope. Less to look forward to.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ok Too Cute

As soon as I saw this I had to post this immediately. So ridiculously great. Go Ok Go!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Saturday, September 11, 2010

There's More

This fall movie season looks promising! Clint Eastwood's new movie looks pretty intense...

Friday, September 10, 2010

Somewhere Sexy

Oh Stephen Dorff, you've always been super hot, haven't seen you in a while and now you're gonna be in Sofia Coppola's new movie. I'm excited.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Monday, September 6, 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Going the Distance

So I just have to say, my friend and I weren't expecting much when we saw this last night, but we were pleasantly suprised at how good it was. It was hilarious, sweet, touching and clever, kind of in the vein of 5oo Days of Summer. Romantic comedies these days suck and are completely unrealistic with stupid people making ridiculous choices and are over the top cheesey...this would be the exception.
Yeah...I loved this movie...kinda wanna see it again. Plus, ever since I met Drew Barrymore I like her even more.